seeing as how it has almosot been 2 months since i have been on this thing, i think i have decided to give it up...i might as well give this up too, since i have given everything else up in my life. so here goes... goodbye xanga....it's been nice knowing you. :)

***** if you wish to contact me, you know how...call me. its more personal. goodbye for now

It was an unconventianal time,

it started with a feeling

i can't even define

something so familiar but unexposed

like all this time my eyes have been closed

and i can't look away

but you came as something more than just a feeling

you came inside my soul and began to heal me

i've been wondering where that kind of love could be

did i find you or did you find me?

i can't look away

oh i can't look away

oh i can't look away

i can't look away

somehow now my hands and heart are stronger

somehow now the world seems less unkind

with you standing right beside me at this altar

lord you've given me the wings and i will fly

and i can't look away

no i can't look away

oh i can't look away

no i can't look away

oh love who am i withouot you by my side?

oh love who am i

without you by my side? oh love who am i? withouot you oh love here we are side by side

                                       ~newcomer's home "can't look away"

at first, i heard this and thought of the love humans are supposed to have for each other; human love. then i slapped myself in the face and thought, wow...God. i realized that its the Lord's love.

i had a really, really good conversation with a friend today. it was unexpected, but it came at just the right moment. it always seems to be that way when we talk. he said some things that i know to be true, but i just forget sometimes. we talked for a good 30 minutes and after, i was feeling assured of my "delay in confession". for the past 2 days, i have wanted to say something, but the whole plane ride back on monday night, all i did was pray...

i prayed that God would lead me, that God would guide me. i asked Him to let me hear His voice, and i really think i have...but i am more confused now than ever. you know when you think you are so sure of something and then it turns out to be something different? i think the Lord was trying to tell me something and i am close to figuring it out, but i haven't reached it yet.

when i am with you, i think you sense that i have something to say. but i don't say it and you don't ask. so for now...speechless

the main idea

the main idea...

the main idea is the most important thing that happened in the story; its the life and soul of the message, the heartbeat and the pumping of bloood; its the summary of the life that could have been. 

i look to see if you're watching. i glance behind me to see you smile. i stand before you only to see the pain in your eyes. i run from you because i don't know how to tell you...

   i will never leave you

   i will never hurt you

   i will never stop loving you.

we are thousands of miles apart and still i feel your presence. my mom gave me some good advice tonight. what have i got to loose? you've already proven to me that you want to be my friend, but i am moving away. she told me that i should sit down with you and ask you if there will ever be anything more with us. if you think there could be something there. if you say no, then i will move to texas and start my life here. but if there is a possibility, then perhaps the opportunity should be explored. i feel like i could be strong enough to hear the answer, but i don't know if i'm strong enough to initiate the conversation.

Lord, I need you.     Lord, I need you.

Help me to see that I need you.    Help me to see that I need you.

Lord, I love you.    Lord, I love you. 

Help me to see your way.   Help me to know you are near.

~still waiting~

Currently Listening This Side By Nickel Creek Beauty and the Mess see related

so its been a long time...over a month...so much has happened.

finished classes...that was a relief. finals were a breeze. went to Texas for 10 days, came back to CO for the Blessed Union of Justin Micah James and Rachael Marie Hildebrandt. i have to say it might have been the most beautiful representation of love that i have ever seen. (more later) a new year has started. a new chapter of my life has begun. i am student teaching, full time, 8 and a half hours a day. i am a working girl, so basically i have no life other than on the weekends! :) i go to sleep at 10pm every night. and i have fallen in love all over again.

the wedding: as stated before...the most beautiful representation of love, the Love that God has for us, the love that we are to give one another. an undying, unfailing, compassionate, unconditional love. a bond so strong that when you look at the opposite person all you see is you and them, nothing else. rach and justin, i love you both for your model of love. you have made me believe that its still possible for me to be loved. :) thank you.

student teaching: wow, where do i start? i have only been there 2 weeks and it feels like 2 years. i love evey minute of it. even the times when i am loosing my patience after saying directions 20 times, even after today when no one seemed to understand math...i still love it. i love that i am surrounded by 24 eager children ready to learn, looking so expectantly at you because they think you know everything. i don't know everything, but i know this: i was made to be a teacher. the Lord created me for this specific purpose and i know that its what i am supposed to do for Him. i wasn't blessed with the musical abilities as some are, or with athletic abilities as others are, i was blessed with teaching abilities. it just comes naturally to me. i love that i am learning in this process too. i love that i am teaching. i love that i get to spend my days with kids, helping them to be successful. bottom line: i love my life right now. :)

i am praying and talking to God about where to go after i graduate, in 102 days. i feel like it should be Texas, but i am starting to rethink if thats where i want to be. i think it would be easier to get a job here because of all of the connections i have, but i think i should do what is more challenging. (i welcome any thoughts on this) ;)  i love CO, i will cry when i have to leave, but that's life right? we shall see...

**** i see your face****

**** i see mine ****

i see us together forever, but you don't (at least i don't think so)

i cried, wept in front of you last week. you held me the whole way back. it happened again and you were there for me. i told you that i would cry and then die if anything ever happened to make us not be friends. thats why i am so scared to tell you. i have been thinking lately if it is the right time to tell you everything, all that i have been feeling for the past 3 and a half years. i've loved you from the moment we met, and every moment since. yes, i said love. i hope you will hear me and things won't change. that's why i think i'll wait until graduation day.

silenced and stunned, i saw myself in God's arms when you held me when i wept. i realized thats what the picture of my relationship with Christ should look like, every moment of every day. God help me... i need you more than anything.

~waiting~

Currently Listening X&Y By Coldplay see related

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am officially finished with all of my college career classes...until i start teaching, then it will be different. 

but i am finished with being lectured at, oh what a wonderful feeling this is.  ;)

"thats where i belong, and you belong with me"

what good is it for you to know, if you do not see?

what rest will you have if you do not speak?

4 finals to go, 1 ten page paper, 1 two pager, and then i am home free............

'i see the light at the end of the tunnel'-me

'yeah you do'-reponse by "unnamed" :)